Breakup Zone 2 (Crush?Nerh)

The first day we started this journey in the Children service I've always had a huge crush on you. You had your friends; I had mine...I always told myself we can't be compatible. Why? Cuz you were damn rich and my family was quite average. We graduated. You moved out I forgot about you . At my sister's graduation dinner you seemed so nice I thought we could start a friendship... just that...nothing more....we started on facebook...we became busy, then later in life I was in the US. It all got in my head and I started feeling something other than friendship for you...everyone said it was love. My Twinie (my heart, my bff you stole for yourself that I didn't complain because my Twinie deserves the very best in life including a best friend I never had to talk to and share stuff with) agreed....your sister thought so too saying you felt the same. One thing you overlook is I'm never playing hard to get...Just my upbringing and my mindset about guys....Oh you were the best...you loved me I loved you so much.. I'll pray; literally pray that we won't hurt each other and that this will be forever. But I guess not....everything changed when I wasn't around..I felt I was loosing you and I've lost you really I have ...but you keep popping in my brain....oh I don't even know why I'm crying like this... I almost lost my Twinie to you. Thank God that didn't happen because it will break my heart....I used to be the one you checked on and cared about but now it seems I never existed. I don't care anymore ..I'm fed up of living this life. Please let me go...let me move on...........

Free Mind

Somewhere deep inside this coconut shaped head of mine
Are thoughts
Thoughts of how great the future looks
Thoughts of how nice it is to have a companion
Thoughts telling me I can be alone and be fine
Thoughts screaming "You Are All Alone "
Those days I cried a lot. About so many things
Unsupportive dad, bad math grades, bad habits, how awful I looked sometimes, being archaic
But I remember along the line just somewhere along that thin line I found myself enjoying all that an average teenager would pray for.
That's when the flavor of my tears turned from basic to acidic.
I now cry about friendships . The wonderful idea I conceived in my mind about friends has been half baked .
I look at myself every morning and repeat my mom's words;
"BE POSITIVE"...She always says even when it's negative, approach it with a sense of positivity.
Such words from a woman who has gone through temptations, mockery, deceit, poverty, pain, insults... you name it...
Can tell her daughter to be strong no matter what. That is a real MOTHER.
My biggest heart desire is that we her children won't make the mistakes she made. Oh Life is really a journey.  Full of Ups(rumps) and Downs(potholes).



(Just something my head brought up one night)

Signed out....
Kristee.

Breakup Zone

Hmmm okay so today I asked Twinie to give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't delete Ray 's no. She just went on and on about we falling apart. Fact is we have fallen apart. No; how do you want me to feel if in a day right in my face . I texted this nigga hours back no response but you can see that they have been chatting since since and are still kraa chatting. No is it fair? Ok so what relevance is his no. to my phone. If all it does is make me sad. Like really? And his no. Is first on the list. Hmmm after she shows me his injury..infact he knows why he made her promise not to tell me because he knows what he's doing...me; I don't care now. Honestly I've cried enough....lost concentration in class enough...I'm just plain tired ooo... How?! I'm someone's daughter too. I'm trying so hard to take the blame and leave him clean but it's killing me. Why did I have to love him? Why those serious mood swings...why that decision. Just because I wanted to be more of a friend. Just because we used to talk about lots of things but now he's gotten a new bestie. I wasn't a bestie but at least he made me part of his world. All those hallway rap battles...shopping...bball games..skating...thinking about it all hurts a lot. If we weren't so attached I would have been so fine. This one that we never kissed or had sex kraa see how it hurts....Help me Lord please I want to move on. Hmmm............


Signed out,
Kristee.....